Ranting like a brat that I am

Okay, sudah berhabuk habis blog aku ni. Mari kita kembali kepada menulis! Ayuh, asah kembali otak yang aku rasa semakin lama semakin mahu mereput ni!
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A little bit disappointed. A great feeling of being mistreated. Felt like I'm not being appreciated much. And thus these feelings bring me back to this platform. Let's give a silent shout-out here. I'm being a brat, but I supposed it had been long overdue. I am human after all.

I have dreams. I have my interests and tendencies. I have these things that I prefer to pursue. But I put it all aside in the name of a compromise. But as I looked back, I found out I didn't really tossed them all away. They exist as some little addition, here and there, from my secondary school period, all the way to my university's life.
I took art as one of my SPM subject.
I joined a video competition in my college life. I'd even made a music video using all these pictures I took during that period.
I took these art-related curriculum for my university's points; calligraphy art and painting class.
I joined these graphic departments for my school's cultural activities.

I still do, apparently, desire these... interests of mine. And now, I found out I wanted to pursue them so SO badly. I even invested some huge amount of money recently to dive deeper into this creative side of me. Let it all begin. I shall stop being afraid. I need to start.

I am tired of doing what others expect of me. Let me have what I want, now. As long as I do not put aside what Allah expects of me, I want to do my best by doing what I love more. I wish my being busy with this new pursue of mine, that I'd be able to leave any sinful things away from me.

Back to the reason why I'm returning. I wonder how they see me, really? I felt like a stone. Like... like these great, big things that I managed and achieved doesn't mean a thing. Why do I desire attention from humans so much? I am... apathetic. That's what I believe. I had BECOME apathetic, is really what happen. I wonder if that's the consequences of this... unfair amount of... attention? that was given. Probably.
You learn, then, that your reason for doing should only be for ONE. Should always be only for ONE. And once you stray, you feel it. Deeply.

Bersihkan niat. Bersihkan niat.
Ke mana hala tuju, tanya kembali pada diri. Ke mana... hala tuju?