Mencari hati, mencari jiwa

أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم

 "Sudah khatam al-Quran ya?"

"Banyak kali dah."

"So... dah faham sesungguhnya lah isi al-Quran tu?"

"..."

########

Aku cari dan cari. Hati aku berdegup sedikit kencang each time.

I wanna find it... I wanna find it... Lead me to them, lead me... oh please, I wanna find it...

I'm weird like that. Perasaan yang tidak dapat aku terangkan dengan mudah. Seperti menginginkan sesuatu dengan sepenuh jiwa dan raga, but I don't know sesuatu itu!

Sabar... Sabar... Tinggalkan, mungkin bukan di sini, mungkin bukan pada masa ini. Sabar...

Aku berikan diriku sendiri sedikit masa. Go with my life as per usual. It will come, I believe.

Lead me to it, Ya Allah, for You know best!  

########

Hati resah. Gelisah. Tidak tenteram. Kembali kepada Tuhan, kembali kepada Pencipta. Ku hadap al-Quran yang indah itu.

Your body needs food to survive. What of your heart... ?

Oh ku hadap al-Quran itu. Alhamdulillah, hati tenang.

########

Orang kata "hendak seribu daya, tak hendak seribu dalih". Oh how it rings true to me at that time. Badan yang letih, sakit dan tidak bermaya digagahkan juga untuk bangun dan pergi ke padang itu. Panas terik, peluh menitis tanpa henti, langsung tidak diendah. Practise and practise and practise... Fuh, puas.

Teringat kata-kata sahabat, a new information for me, Subhanallah...
"Rasulullah s.a.w. suka orang yang belajar memanah, swimming, and horse-riding!" Go ahead and say i'm paranoid, but i'm the type of person who like to make sure it's true, opps. Saudara ni punya entry sgt membantu: click!

Oh! Mungkin dapat aku jadi pejuang Islam dengan kemahiran ini! Jangan putus asa! 

Tik. Tok. Tik. Tok.
Time for class is approaching. Hilang minat. Tapi bergerak juga, menuju sana. On the way, change direction. Tak sanggup! Rasa letih yang meluap-luap! Calls dan messages tidak dibalas, semangat semakin surut.

Singgah sebentar, tunggu lagi reply with very small hope. Terpacul muka yang dikenali.

"Hey!" Senyum.
Tangan dijabat, terpaku sebentar; why not? pipi berlaga mesra.

"Kedai akak ke?" Kagum. Suka melihat mereka sepertinya, sejuk hati. Tudung labuh, mesra... Berbicara agama, mudah!

"Ya." Senyum.

Ku belek-belek buku, Alhamdulillah jumpa beberapa yang kena dihati.

"Tiada duit kecil, pecahkan dulu. Tu, kedai depan tu." Senyum nakal.

"Akak! Suruh habiskan duit pula... Takpe, akak nak air? Saya belanja?" Kemurahan hati, sikap yang diajarkan kepadaku oleh seorang muslimah yang hebat! Alhamdulillah. Good deeds yang dilakukan, hanya berharapkan ganjaran daripada Allah! Sesungguhnya, nikmat Allah itu tidak dapat dikira langsung, Masyaallah...

Dari membeli buku, berbual tentang bisnes. Minta tips, dia cuba jawab dengan sebaiknya. Dari bussiness-speaking, dijemput duduk -sementara dia pergi melayan customer lain-. Kelas yang beberapa minit telah bermula, was ignored. Well, messages and calls were not answered, so... Ehem, ehem! Excuses~

Hari semakin cerah, customers semakin ramai, dilihat kakak itu seorang diri cuba memenuhi panggilan pelanggan. Aku bangun membantu, dibekalkan pengalaman part-time shoe's promoter, ku jadi sukarelawan-penjual buku. Congak harga buku dengan penuh yakin -tidak mahu tewas dengan parents yang always awesome dalam mencongak!-.
Seronok. Buku-buku itu, buku-buku agama. Botol-botol itu, berisi air bacaan 30 juzu'. Herba-herba itu, herba-herba yang cuba mengikut hadis Rasulullah s.a.w.; habbatus sawda'... madu... kismis!



Pak cik datang, bertanyakan perfume for men. 'Wow! Pak cik pakai perfume, mengamalkan sunnah Rasulullah!' getus hati, riang. Hadis for this fact here: Click! Credit to saudari ni.

"For men... This one, or this one... this one..." kakak jawab, perwatakan berubah dari sedikit nakal kepada professional, pantas.

Dicium bau perfume itu satu per satu. Aku perhati dengan penuh minat. Mungkinkah dia pilih yang itu? Mungkinkah dia akan beli at all? Take that one up, put it down and take another, put that one down and take back the 1st one... again and again and again. Pak Cik... nak beli tak?

"I'm confused..." He smiled reluctantly. Biji mata membesar, aku tertawa kecil disebelah. My silent question was answered! 





He bought one. 






Muka yang dikenali singgah. Alamak.

"Takde kelas ke?" Tanya dengan penuh harapan, hoping that perhaps I was not skipping any class.

"Ngantuk, keluar sekejap. Kau takde kelas ke?" Kelas aku = kelas dia. Kantoi. Kakak sebelah sengih mengerti.

Aku terpandang dia, bertentang mata sejenak. Ku palingkan muka perlahan-lahan. Ouch, another one.

"Kelas... dah habis ke?" Senyum kantoi.

"... Part-time ke?"

"Aaa... part-time." Ignore dia, pergi layan customer.

########

"Why do you like to play truant?"

Ouch. Bagaikan penampar. But feels like laughing. Laughing, hard. That question, a question I ask myself more than once. Bagaikan diuji olehNya apabila soalan yang bermain di fikiran disuarakan dengan jelas lagi terang oleh orang lain.

Suka? No, aku tidak akan guna ayat itu untuk describe my behaviour. It's not 'like' when your heart rebels with that action, no?

Ku lontarkan soalan, dengan penuh harapan aku akan tewas dengan kata-kata yang bernas. Hampa. Jawapan yang diberinya ku bidas laju, tegas.  I said I ask myself this question more than once, didn't I? And I actually have my own answers, but who needs to know?

But thank you. At least you showed that you care. 

Aku tahu saling menasihati itu penting.
Islam begitu mementingkan persoalan memberi peringatan dan nasihat, tanpanya manusia akan leka. Yang ni ak cedok dari penulisan al-Haqir Hamizan Hussin, Mengapa Hati Terhijab.



Aku balik malam itu with something to think about. Aku gagal lagi kali ini, tapi tidak apa, akan aku tewaskan juga masalah sosial yang satu ni. Memang benar apabila they said that the hardest enemy is yourself. Well.

I would say...

Nobody knows your problem and your struggle, don't let them discourage you... you'll continue to fight for the right, because you know... Allah is with you.

Undergraduate student 1

Assalamua'alaikum warahmatullah...

People always say, kalau ya pun nak tidur, jangan tidur lama sangat! Hakikatnya, memang blog ni suka tidur lama kuasa dua pun. *senyum, senyum*

Penampar!

Anyway, this time around, nak share yang kami -stressed skit kat sini-, KAMI, student pharmacy memang belajar untuk menjadi ahli farmasi yang professional, generally speaking la. InsyaAllah, dengan izinNya.

Tetapi! Ya, that's right my friend, ada 'tetapi'nya...

Kami juga manusia biasa. Itu dia... Sebagaimana anda, anda, dan anda... Kami tidak sempurna. Oleh itu, tidak hairanlah apabila kami turut rasa berat sangat at certain time apabila terasa ujianNya begitu power. Subhanallah...

And. It's not that weird if kami pun turut ada masa gila kuasa dua kami! Masih budak la katakan (even if we're around two decades already... well.).

Identiti adalah dirahsiakan, beep!

Don't be surprise, but ini memang salah satu kemahiran special budak2 kami, hehe

xxxxxxx

Aku tenung dan tenung. Memang dah mabuk agaknya, tetapi tidak dapat disangka. Suatu masa dahulu, pernah kena sekali, terus nekad dalam hati "no more. never ever again.". 

Once bitten, twice shy. Something you cannot control... jadi sekali lagi, but in totally different way. More positive way, I'd say. More positive target. Tetapi tetap salah kalau macam ni cara handle yang dipilih. Salah. 

My finger hover on top of the button. Tenung lagi. Fikir sejenak. Boleh berdosa, tak mahu dah. 

Letih. 

Teet! 

Delete semuanya. 

Selamat tinggal. Ada jodoh, ada la jalannya. Wallahu'alam.

Spice of life

أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم

Keletihan yang melampau. Feels like I will drop any time now.

Ayat favourite orang tersayang never fail to appear come those times, "Memang kita hidup ini untuk letih!". Ya, mahu hidup senang and bahagia, di Syurga Allah sana. Subhanallah... 

Layakkah?

#######

A picture of a person in need... A saying that touch my heart, deeply...

"... because you are trained professionally! but they are not."

You are the one who can save them. It's your responsibilities.

Remove the other people present, my cheeks surely would've become wet.

Selama ini terapung entah ke mana, tersentak dengan hebatnya... Ya Allah!

#######

Everyone has their own problems. Doesn't mean yours are more significant than theirs.

Put yourselves in the other's shoes... before you decide to burden others with what you assume is more important (to you only, that is).

"Oh... I'm sorry for you..."

"No, never mind... ! =)"

Really, I want to help you. You've become a beautiful drawing in my canvas of life.

Seek me, InsyaAllah, I will help you...

#######

قولوا ما شاء الله يا رب تعيشوا احلى سنين

قولوا ما شاء الله يا محلى زوجين صالحين

ربنا يجمعكم ويا بعض في الجنة

ربنا يجعلكم طول العمر متفاهمين

Say : "Allah has willed it"

And may you live the happiest of years

Say : "Allah has willed it"

And how beautiful it is to see such a pious couple!

May Allah unite you together in Paradise

And may He make you live your whole life together in harmony

Credit to maherzaintube

All of you I've heard about and known, may Allah bless you. 

إن شاء الله‎

We are sisters

I'm happy to say that I was given a chance to know this one girl. She's older than me only by 2 years, but she's so wonderful.

 To keep her anonymous (and myself anonymous), this is not her. But that's how she appears, somehow.
 Yup.

What made our meeting special? She's not a native. Allah takdirkan kami berkenalan, Subhanallah...

This really strengthened my opinion on the fact that races never matter. Whichever countries we're from, whichever races we originates from, we are Muslims and thus we are sisters, Alhamdulillah.

And one fun fact is that there's some limited language-barrier between us, haha. There are times when one of us trying to express a point from deep in our heart and yet cannot because we have to communicate through our 2nd language (instead of each of our own mother tongue)... Come that time, it always become too funny and we would eventually laugh! 

 

Then, on another note...

Berbunga hati aku dengar nama 'dia'. Jangan sebut nama 'dia' boleh tak?

Interesting story I heard recently.

N has a friend, a girl. The girl like a boy, but never tell dearest friend N. N suspect though.

The girl really, really likes the boy. The boy also likes the girl.

Eh... typical, I know. But it's a true story!

The girl berdoa bersungguh-sungguh (kerana hanya Allah Yang Maha Berkuasa and Maha Mengetahui). The boy also prayed it seems! (drpd apa yang dicerita la)

Then... wa-la!! Married!

Now? They're gonna have a baby! Oh, happy, happy. 

Moral? Jodoh ditangan Allah. Kalau mengadu ke 'dinding', apa dapat?

Mana tahu cerita ni? N cerita, yup.

Wallahu'alam.

Undergraduate student

Two months earlier, when I was about to take my final exam for this year, something quite like this had happened, lol. Remembering it now, oh fun, oh joy~

Click for larger view. ^^

Admittedly, I do feel lonely every now and then. Come that time, I find it quite depressing as I look around for anyone who actually cares. But it is foolish to even depends on humans. Humans have flaws, with exception for Allah's messengers. There are times I forgot, sure. But on times that I do remember -with guidance- I realize that He is always there. As a Muslim who believes, I know I am never alone. 

Ustaz Pahrol ada menasihatkan, apabila diuji, Katakan,  

"Ya Allah… sungguh sakit, sungguh perit, tapi apakan daya, aku hambaMu, Kau lebih tahu apa yang terbaik untukku berbanding diriku sendiri. Ya Allah, jangan Kau serahkan aku kepada diriku sendiri walaupun sekelip mata. Tadbirku seluruh dan sepenuh sujud pada takdir MU."

So, exam tersebut memakan masa lebih kurang 2 minggu. And what made it unacceptable? First week exam 5 papers dalam 5 hari berturut-turut! Needless to say, habis jer exam, keadaan aku macam nie:

Syoknyaaaa~

This time around

بِسْــــــــــــــــــمِ اﷲِالرَّحْمَنِ اارَّحِي

I was scared. I think I did it again. No, I know I did it again. 

It's funny how you know, yet you done nothing to change it. The word "it's easier said than done" never sound any truer before. 

I was scared, oh yes, scared... an understatement. 

But what is it if not another trial? 

I took a deep breath, and remember... Remember! Allah Maha Besar. 

Even dengan perasaan takut yang ditanamkan dalam hati manusia boleh become satu ujian kepada manusia. The fear. 

Be patient, for Allah loves those who are patient. And believe! Allah Maha Kuasa. 

Nothing can stop me from obtaining my provision pre-ordained by God Almighty. 

I sat there, near my friend, and relax. 

I know I did it again, but it's never right to give up just like that. 

I know I did it again, but I also know I've done what I can to compensate my mistake as much as I could. 

Time never wait for me. Oh, how I had waste it yet again. But... Jangan berputus asa. 

Aku serahkan segalanya kepada Allah, The All-Knower, The All-Hearer. 

Allahu Akhbar! 

Suprised me, oh yes it did. And how thankful I am, can never measure it. 

Oh, how I had made a mistake, but You never leave me. 

Such a beautiful feeling... I never want to miss it again.

The fresh feeling after that was amazing.

And yet He showed me again at times I would have never imagine, 

of how powerful He is. 

Surely, ujian akan datang dan pergi... 

But for this time around, as the last stressful days had past,

 I smiled. 

For my heart always cry...

بِسْــــــــــــــــــمِ اﷲِالرَّحْمَنِ اارَّحِيم

No. 

You're never alone.

Allah is always with you. 

Allah is always with me.

Allah is always with us.

Tidak,

Ilmuku sebenarnya teramat cetek.

Sedikitnya,

tidak cukup, tidak cukup.

Ya Allah,

semakin aku mencari ilmu,

semakin aku tersentak...

Sedikitnya, sedikitnya...

Apa yang aku tahu sebenarnya?

Berikanlah kekuatan kepadaku, Ya Rabbi.

Hanya dariMu,

Hanya untukMu.

AgamaMu sangat suci, Ya Allah.

Sangat indah.

Kenapa masih lalai?

Kenapa masih lalai?

Aku umatmu, ya Rasulullah!

Aku umatmu, Insyaallah...

Kenapa masih lalai? 

Kenapa masih lalai?

RasulMu sangat mulia, Ya Allah...

Aku mahu mencintaiMu, aku mahu mencintainya...

The heart that always cry,
only You know.


Note: Click the pic for larger view. ^^

1

2

In disappointment

Assalamu'alaikum.

Sesungguhnya, Allah Maha Mengetahui segala rahsia yang ada di langit mahupun di bumi. 

Setiap segala sesuatu yang berlaku adalah dengan izinNya... 

Andai kata aku merancang sesuatu, Insyaallah, berjalan atau tidak perancangan itu semuanya di tangan Yang Maha Esa. 

Bagaimana pula dengan perasaanku? Yes, it's all the same. 

There is no other than Allah which I can depend on completely, Allahu Rabbi. 

When I know Allah is always with me, aku yang hanyalah seorang hamba yang sangat lemah ini akan merasa seperti terbela. 

Situasi yang kuhadapi ini, is very unexpected. And within the unexpected, my heart soar high for what if... What if...

 tetapi, Ya Allah, hanya Engkau Yang Maha Mengetahui... 

All the good comes from You... and all the mistakes are from me. 

Pedihnya hati apabila apa yang diharapkan tidak kesampaian, tetapi kalau memang untuk kebaikan sendiri, aku pasrah. 

Hati memberontak, tetapi kuatkan diri untuk yakin ada hikmahnya. 

For all the 19 years of my life, I know that there is always good thing(s) behind all the painful memories I've been through. 

I'm the one who perceived those experiences as painful and bad, when they were actually the most wonderful things that Allah had decided were proper and good for me. 

Alhamdulillah... 

For those who feels bad out there, remember, we are never alone. 

Berpeganglah dengan jalan yang benar, Insyaallah, you will never be blind.

Wallahu'alam.

Turning Point

The beauty of life, I had never notice it before. 

One has to be on the right path to do that. To appreciate, understand, and be humble. 

We will never know when the fated day will come, but we are told to be aware of it. 

Always. 

Never forget, and you'll be fine. 

Never turn your back on it, and you'll be fine.

Insyaallah...